Insights
Sharing inspiration, insight and interesting ideas
When you look at your ‘to do list’ are you focused on what matters most or have you said yes to things you haven’t got time to do?
What plans do you have this weekend? Have you said yes to something when you secretly wished you’d said no?
If you’ve ever found yourself agreeing when you didn’t really want to, this blog is for you.
Sidney always said yes, even when her plate was full. She took on extra work to help everyone, ignoring her own deadlines.
In meetings, she stayed quiet to avoid conflict, taking pride in being seen as easy going.
But deep down, she felt invisible.
One day, she realised her people-pleasing wasn’t just about being nice. It was making her emotionally unavailable. No one truly knew what she thought, wanted, or needed because she rarely expressed it. And that had consequences. Her contributions were overlooked, her workload was unsustainable, and she started resenting the very people she was trying to please.
As a career and leadership coach, helping my clients identify how they self-sabotage and move beyond limitations is often a core part of our work together. One of the mindsets that can feel particularly confusing to unpack is people-pleasing. Many see it as simply being kind and a fundamental part of who they are, but they may not recognise the tipping point where kindness turns into unhealthy people-pleasing, and how damaging that shift can be.
You might recognise this in yourself:
This doesn’t just affect your confidence, it can shape how others perceive and treat you at work.
At work, people-pleasing can lead to burnout, a lack of recognition, and frustration when others don’t reciprocate the same level of effort. It can also weaken leadership presence - when you don’t advocate for yourself, it’s hard for others to see you as a confident decision-maker.
And these patterns don’t just show up at work. Many people who people-please in their professional lives also struggle with it in their personal relationships - avoiding conflict, minimising their needs, or feeling responsible for others’ emotions.
Sidney started small. Instead of immediately agreeing to every request, she created a powerful pause: "Let me get back to you on that." She practiced sharing her opinions in meetings, even when they differed from the majority. And she reminded herself that saying no wasn’t rejecting others - it was making space for her own needs.
At first, she worried people would think she was difficult. But over time, she realised that saying no didn’t mean she was being unkind, it meant she was making space for what mattered most.
Colleagues respected her time more. She felt less resentment and more confidence. And the people who truly valued her wanted to hear her real thoughts, not just the ones that made life easier for them.
These shifts aren’t about becoming less kind or cooperative ... they’re about becoming more authentic, present, and available for the relationships and work that truly matter.
Prioritising your needs is not selfish, it's essential for your overall well-being.
People-pleasing might be a habit, an outdated understanding of 'best practice' or self-protection armour, but with awareness and small changes, it’s possible to break free from it.
If you'd like support to do this mindset work, get in touch, and let's do it together.
Your Next Read: Defining your space - a self coaching guide to boundaries
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If you'd like to find out about 1-to-1 career change & development programmes, or coaching for your team/organisation get in touch bev@aumida.com or click here to book a call.
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