When we step into roles as managers, leaders, parents, carers - or when we simply find ourselves swept up in the demands of being busy, stressed, ambitious, or responsible - it’s all too easy to lose sight of the most important person in the picture... ourselves. We become so focused on holding everything together for others that we forget to check in with our own needs. But, neglecting ourselves doesn’t just impact our wellbeing, it ultimately limits the energy, clarity, and compassion we can bring to those very responsibilities we care so much about.

Why is it that so many people today seem to be forgetting to look after themselves? And what are the wider implications of this? Self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s a foundation. Without it, stress compounds, burnout creeps in, and our relationships and work suffer. The question isn’t whether we deserve to take care of ourselves, but whether our teams, our work, and our leadership can afford for us not to.

One of the most overlooked truths about self-care is that consistency matters more than intensity. Looking after ourselves isn’t about a one-off retreat, a sudden overhaul, or a grand gesture. It’s about the small, steady rhythms we build into our days - the rituals, habits, and boundaries that keep us well over time. Like tending a garden, it’s less about a single day of hard work and more about the ongoing attention that allows us to flourish.

When we ignore our needs and operate in 'survival mode', our brains and bodies adapt in ways that help us get by but not thrive. For a leader, operating from this depleted state doesn't just impact your health; it impacts your decision-making, your ability to inspire your team, and the overall culture you're creating. Prolonged periods in this mode can compromise both our physical and mental health, leaving us depleted and disconnected from joy. On the other hand, when we take steps to recharge and regulate, we not only protect our wellbeing but also expand our capacity for creativity, resilience, and connection.

It’s important to say that looking after ourselves doesn’t always mean stopping, resting, or cutting back. Sometimes that’s exactly what we need. But equally, self-care can look like staying active, engaged, and connected to the things that light us up. For example, research into early retirement shows that those who withdraw completely from purposeful activity often experience a decline in health and happiness. Staying active - mentally, physically, socially - helps us feel alive. Caring for ourselves, is as much about leaning into our passions and joys as it is about rest.

At its core, the lost art of looking after ourselves is really the lost art of listening to ourselves. It’s about slowing down, tuning inwards, and giving ourselves the space to notice what our bodies, minds, and hearts are trying to tell us. Our bodies have a language - tight shoulders, shallow breaths, fatigue, restlessness - and when we learn to listen, we gain a clearer sense of what we truly need.

So, how do we start listening more deeply? One simple practice is to pause and scan the body for sensations: temperature, tension, ease, or discomfort. Another is to notice your breath - its pace, depth, and rhythm. Journaling can also help translate inner signals into language, revealing needs you may not have consciously acknowledged. Even five minutes of stillness can be enough to reconnect with yourself in a meaningful way.

Resilience and 'well being' isn’t built in dramatic bursts - it’s woven into the little things we do consistently. Drinking enough water, movement, practicing gratitude, saying no when we need to, or simply heading outside for fresh air - all of these small acts accumulate into a strong foundation.

Of course, it helps to understand why self-care can feel so difficult. It’s a complicated question and impossible to offer a full response in a paragraph, but for many of us, burdens carried forward and old patterns keep us locked in cycles of inactivity or busyness. We might be frozen by the belief that if I try, I will fail. Or we may have internalised the idea that stopping is unsafe, that resting is indulgent, or that putting ourselves first is selfish. Guilt often shows up when we even consider taking time for ourselves. But limiting beliefs and guilt are not reliable signals - they are often just an echo of old conditioning.

And life is not static. There are seasons when we need more rest and recalibration, and others when our energy allows for greater output. The mistake is applying the same rules and expectations to every season of life. True self-care is about recognising where we are right now and responding with kindness and flexibility.

The first step, always, is awareness. My hope is that this newsletter offers you a moment to pause, to become aware, and to notice what you need today.Awareness brings choice. And in that choice lies freedom - the freedom to say yes to ourselves, to honour our needs, and to reclaim the art of looking after ourselves.

Because the old saying is true: we cannot fill from an empty cup. When we choose ourselves, we aren’t choosing selfishness. We are choosing to show up as our best selves, not only for us, but also for everyone who depends on us. In fact, when we model self-care, we give those around us permission to do the same, creating ripples of wellbeing in our families, teams, and communities.

If you're ready to move from constant depletion to leading with clarity and resilience, I can guide you there. Let's talk about how we can work together to make that your new reality.

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