Despite this having been a positive year in terms of ‘achievement’ it’s been a very challenging year for me personally.

I’ve realised it’s possible to be excited, driven and achieve success whilst simultaneously feeling fearful, not enough and to keep tumbling back into a scarcity mindset.

It felt like a year long egg and spoon race.

I’ve battled with anxiety, panic attacks and felt incredibly alone.

I’ve had days when I really owned who I am and felt solid, connected and totally alive. Then there were the other days, when I felt so small, weak and vulnerable.

I wanted to give up, I wanted to stop, I couldn’t breath and I was so out of balance it was unhealthy at times. I made mistakes and felt a huge weight on my shoulders. All the while everyone looking in kept telling me how amazing I am and how brave and impressive. It’s lovely to hear and, there is that side of the coin but I’m sharing this other side because I’d rather say to those people looking in “jeez that was tough, here’s the full experience, what a rollercoaster and if I can do it you can too”, rather than omitting the struggle and trying to make it look easy.

However…

I’m smiling as I write this because I realise how much I’ve grown. I can recall all the times I committed to my vision, for me an important lesson was to keep committing, it’s not a one-time decision. I committed again and again and again throughout year one. I found ways to tap into my ‘why’ even when I was doubting myself. All those head in hand moments when I just had to take a minute before straightening up and taking that next step forward.

I might have felt alone but with a perspective shift I realised I was never alone. Quite the opposite. I have a long list of people who supported me and believed in me despite my struggles. When I lost sight of myself, they still saw me and reminded me who I was. I have a client (and dear friend) we’ve worked together for a long time and last year she asked how I was getting on. I was honest about my anxiety and panic. Want to know what she did? Referred business. I called her and was like “errrrm are you mad? I just told you I was having a melt down – I wasn’t expecting a referral on the back of that conversation” She responded “you’re brilliant Bev – go be brilliant”. What an incredible human being.

That’s the thing about walking the unknown path. You discover such beautiful people along the way.

Before I started Aumida I went travelling for 18 months learning about yoga, theology, cultures, meditation, reiki, nutrition the microbiome and so much more… It’s fair to say it took me a while to integrate on my return but what an AMAZING opportunity for me to apply all of that learning! I’m still integrating and developing my practices, understanding and becoming more aware every step of the way.

I’m deepening my learning about the application of this knowledge and how to settle back into stillness, to self-manage and regulate. I’m figuring out how my knowledge about neuro / behavioural science combined with the intelligence of the body can serve me and my clients.

I feel so much joy in my soul because on a deep cellular level, that I can’t really explain, I know that this is for a reason. These experiences are simply to grow me and increase my impact as a coach. 

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” Joseph Campbell

I know I can rely on myself. I’ve tested my resilience and I know what it feels like to really put yourself out there and live a bold life.

My clients can never call BS when I challenge them to push their boundaries in service of their growth. My life to date is testament to my values and beliefs. I can and will take a stand for my clients lives in the same way I take a stand for my own.

Starting a business from scratch is tough stuff and I’ve had to learn about every area. I’ve had to solve so many problems (that honestly, I would have preferred to delegate) but the sense of accomplishment is sooo worth it (even those IT issues that have me wanting to log on to companies house and search for the ‘close this god damn business down immediately button’).

One year in and I’m doing what I set out to do - inspiring people and making a difference in their lives. I can step back and celebrate healthy spreadsheets, a solid client base, and the most amazing coaching clients. Coaching lights up my world and fulfils me in a way that has me know, without a hint of hesitation, that I’ve found my purpose. I'm working internationally which is a dream come true. I have clients in India, Africa, China, Italy, Brussels, Berlin, Spain, Amsterdam & the UK.

I have so many ideas for the future that I’m positively buzzing!

Bring on year 2 – may it be rich with challenges, hiccups and learning. I’m ALL IN.

 “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.” - Joseph Campbell

If you’re reading this and thinking about a business, project or something you want to create. Don’t let fear, uncertainty or negative internal chatter stop you. Don’t wait for the perfect time, mood and certainly don’t wait until the fear goes away! Run with those wolves and just …give it a go.

I’d love to hear your story if you do.

With passion, purpose, and heart

Bev

If you'd like to find out about 1-to-1 career change & development programmes, or coaching for your team/organisation get in touch bev@aumida.com or click here to book a call. 

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